Catfish

This is a heart-breaking documentary full of unrequited love and twisted lies; dramatic enough to be a good watch, painful enough to be real life. It belongs in the back of a limo during a bachelor party told by your drunken friend. To catch what happened to these three friends as it unfolded so perfectly on film is an aspiring film-makers dream. It's also got to be about as rare as catching a car crash, a UFO, and a half-court shot all in one day.

Henry Joost and the Schulman brothers, Yaniv (aka Niv) and Ariel, got a whiff of a story and had both the foresight and determination to follow it down the rabbit whole to see where it led. When they came out, it was with something unexpected. Man, it's great to see a movie organically develop like this in our overly planned out world. The guys went head-long into what could of very possibly been Hannibal Lecter's house, armed only with cameras, in what I can only describe as gonzo film-making, and survived to tell the story. Their moms must have hated the movie.

Originally, they were making a documentary about the pen-pal relationship between a NYC dance photographer (Niv) and an 8 year-old wonder child named Abby Pierce from Ishpeming Michigan. The friendship started when Abby did a derivative work of one of Niv's photos she found in The New York Sun, and sent it to him. Flattered and impressed by her artistry, he sends her more of his photos to mimic. Soon enough, they form a cute big brother, little sister friendship online, which over the course of several months expands to include Abby's family, and even a handful of Michiganders who also want to befriend the trendy New York photographer.

One of these new Facebook friends is Abby's beautiful half-sister, Megan Faccio. Her and Niv form a romantic relationship, beginning with Facebook banter and eventually leading to ardent phone calls and steamy text messages. She also happens to be an artist: a painter, a cellist, a singer, a belly dancer, and even a ballerina. Who could resist? She charms Niv by sending him love songs, and he responds with photo-shopped pictures of them together and weepy messages cursing the distance that separates them. After eight months and several failed attempts to see her, Niv decides finally to just drive up to her house and crash Sunday breakfast. With him to film the adventure go his brother, Ariel, and friend, Henry. When they get to good 'ol Ishpeming things are so unsettling it will leave you feeling sorry for everyone involved and thinking what utter fools we are for love. I really hope Niv made money on this documentary, because he certainly deserved something. And in my opinion, it wasn't Facebook's fault!

Stars: 3/5

Please Give

When we're too caught up in money and appearance, it's easy for us to become self-absorbed, especially when it's so easy to rationalize our way out of caring. Kate (Catherine Keener) represents a whole generation of mid-40's upper-middle-class women. She's reached a place in her life where she's reasonably comfortable: if she wants $200 jeans, she can buy them. Her money comes from a profitable furniture store she owns in New York City with her husband Alex (Oliver Platt), packed with rare vintage pieces and kitschy knick knacks that manhattanites love. The store is legal,  but is it ethical? They don't have a supplier for their furniture per se, and when their customers ask where the stuff comes from they don't get a straight answer. That's because the furniture is from deceased people. Whenever an elderly person dies, Kate and Alex are on the scene, there to negotiate with the grieving family over the soon-to-be-reupholstered furniture, which they will turn around and sell for a sizable profit. And if it turns out something is actually worth a lot, they won't tell the family.

This film is about finding integrity. Kate is starting to feel very guilty about the business. Her husband, on the other hand, is a big jolly lug who doesn't think twice about it. He's more concerned about "hitting the wall", a theoretical timeframe in one's life when their looks start heading down hill. He, like Abby (Sarah Steele), their teenage daughter, doesn't think much about leaving a positive footprint on the world. Abby, is consumed with typical teenage worries, e.g. pimples and clothes. When Kate attempts to give a homeless man twenty dollars, Abby accuses her of trying to save the world and snaps it out of her hands.

Next door, lives Andra (Ann Guilbert), a 90 year old shrew. As soon as Andra passes away, Kate and Alex plan to knock down the walls and conjoin the two apartments. They joke about smothering Andra so they can start construction immediately. Can you tell they're from New York?

Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) is Andra's granddaughter. She takes care of Andra. But it's not without detriment to her social life. She tries online dating without success; she's tall, pale, and homely, and her job is administering mammograms--not exactly an ideal job, unless your a 14 year-old boy.

Feeling ever more like an ambulance chaser, Kate tries to volunteer at a retirement home. But when she sees an old woman hunched over, it makes her depressed. She tries a facility for the mentally challenged, but she cries when a boy hands her a basketball and tells her to shoot. She's too delicate.

When Andra finally dies, Rebecca knocks on Kate's door to let her know the furniture is available. (Incidentally, prior to this, Kate, had been crying because she realized she is a bad person). Rebecca doesn't cry when her grandmother dies. She's resilient. She has sacrificed everything for her grandmother and it's made her strong. She is who Kate wants to be.

Some of us don't make a difference in the world because we're so wound up in our own lives. Some of us give everything we have to the world. Some of us just don't know how to give even if we could. In the end, sometimes all it takes is having sympathy for the people around you. This is the excellent story of how different people hold themselves responsible for the world around them and how the people we meet change our lives.

Stars: 4/5

Jonah Hex

Movies need badguys for conflict. In the 40's it was the Japanese. In the 60's it was the 'system'. In the 90's it was the Russians. Today, it's the terrorists. Jonah Hex is a mirror to America's fears. However, culturally relevant the movie is though, don't expect it to be deemed significant by the Library of Congress. It's all guns, no sentiment. Not devoid of style, but lacking in depth. Of the comic-book genre if Watchmen were Tora-fugu, Jonah Hex would be ravioli with parsley.

It's the standard comic book fare, with a dash of supernatural. Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) can wake dead people when he touches them. Unfortunately, he can't talk to his murdered family because they were burned to ashes. But corpses can see the comings and goings of the living, which helps Hex in avenging them.

Hex is comparable to The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) in that both were Confederate soldiers, have dogs for sidekicks, are seeking revenge on men who killed their families, and talk out of the sides of their mouths. The only difference is Wales' family was murdered by the Redlegs, while Hex's was murdered by Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich).

Turnbull is the leader of a band of confederate secessionists whom Hex was originally running with until after the civil war, when they started burning down hospitals and such. Hex turns on them. In retaliation Turnbull kills his family and brands "QT" on Hex's face. Josh Brolin must have been in make-up for hours to get that thing on.

So while Hex is licking his wounds, Turnbull has aquired a WMD that vaporizes towns in a flash. Of course he wants to use it to vaporize the Union. Meanwhile, President Grant commissions Hex to play bounty hunter and bring in Turnbull.

Midway through the film, there's a dollop of ideology, as an attempt at depth, in the form of a scene between Hex, who is an anarchist, and his arm's dealer, Smith (Lance Reddick), who is pro-government. Hex fought for the confederates because he didn't like being told what to do. Smith counters that being told what to do is not so bad: a man can grow to be a 100 years under a government and there's always the future. It's a good point. Nobody likes government, but there's no denying that it provides security. Maybe one day when we don't find violence in movies like this so damn entertaining, we'll know we've advanced a few steps closer to that place in the future where we don't need government for security.

Stars: 3/5

The Last Rites of Ransom Pride

I can appreciate a short movie. But wow. This one is around 80 minutes, and feels it. Maybe it's because Tiller Russel is used to directing television, not full-length features. The scenes feel claustrophobic, and the pacing issue is exacerbated by muffled actors with fake accents. By the way, why do all Hollywood westerns use the same accent? That one that nobody actually hears from a real westerner? Is there evidence that people really said 'ma', not 'mom'?

One of the major issues with this film is that there's too much back-story. Robert Mckee might have lectured about beginning a story as deep into the action as possible, but when the majority of your film is explaining what happened before the movie takes place, then you know you've passed the mark.

Flashbacks are a device easily overused. This movie does a very strange thing with them. At the end of every action scene it rewinds and replays clips from that very same scene. It's kind of like after a TV show comes back from commercial break and recaps for viewers who might have just tuned in. Tiller, we know what happened, we just watched it.

Here's the synopsis. Tough 11 year old Juliette Flowers (Lizzy Caplan) slits a general's throat as revenge for killing her parents. When she grows up, she falls in love with an outlaw named Ransom Pride (Scott Speedman). Who would name their son Ransom, you might be wondering? Reverend Pride is who. Played by Dwight Yoakam the country singer--possibly the only actor on set who was famous enough to have an assistant. Reverend pride also has another son named Champ Pride (Jon Foster). Champ doesn't really say much and he's kind of a wuss, but he's got looks, which seems to carry him.

The outlaw brother, Ransom, goes to sell some guns and ends up in a shoot out, where he's killed. Before the shoot out, he had killed a priest. And the woman who's holding Ransom's body is a madam--or witchdoctor, take your pick--and sister to the priest. She wants to give Ransom's body up as an offering.  Enter the MacGuffin,--the plot element that gives the characters an excuse to kill each other. Juliette offers up Champ in exchange for the body. A weird trade if you ask me, a living person for a dead person, but nevertheless, Juliette goes to Texas to retrieve Champ.

The second act is pretty extraneous other than Juliette and Champ attracting a bunch of odd characters along their way back to the madam. Kind of like a twisted Wizard of Oz. We also find out that Champ is a good marksman. Naturally, instead of trading him Juliette wants him to kill the madam.

Meanwhile, the Reverend has sent thugs to shoot Juliette and retrieve Champ. So basically the Reverend wants to kill his dead son's girlfriend. All she's trying to do is recover his son's body for proper burial at this point. You'd think the Reverend would be supportive but no, he blames her for his son's death for some reason. And grudges run to grudges. It doesn't really matter. The motivation of the characters is pretty weak.

Spoiler Alert:
What's important is that Champ kills his father, the Reverend, over Juliette. Yes, he kills his own father for his girl. But who can say Romeo wouldn't have done the same for Juliet.
End Alert.

Some people go to the movies to see something visually impressive. Others go to the movies to watch a story unfold; that is, to be sucked in, to feel suspense, passion, catharsis. Those in the latter category will be severely disappointed with this film.

Stars: 1/5

Leaves of Grass

Initially, I was distracted by the dual-roles that Edward Norton plays in this movie: identical twins, Bill Kincaid, the university professor, and Brady Kincaid, the drug-dealer. Nancy Meyers was able to pull it off in The Parent trap (1998), but that was a film made on a big budget. Leaves of Grass is a deep movie, a labor of love, which lost big at the box office. We should look beyond the technicalities for the message. Because this existential dilemma Tim Blake Nelson might know a little something about.

Bill, the philosophical twin, opens the film with the assertion: "The balance needed for a happy life is illusory, and as soon as, in our gorgeously flawed human way, we think that we've attained it, we're pretending divinity and we're going to crash." Cynical much? He's taken out to dinner with the dean of Harvard who offers him the opportunity of a life-time, his own institute within the school. Is a crash destined?

The title Leaves of Grass, comes from a compilation of poems written by Walt Whitman, werein Whitman celebrates the 'self.' He says his poetry is best read outdoors where the reader can sit and appreciate the simple act of being. Well, who is Bill? As an identical twin, he's spent his whole life trying to figure it out, finally leaving his hometown of Oklahoma and cutting ties with his dysfunctional family for the intellectual world of academia. One day, out of the blue, he finds out his brother has been murder and has to go back to the place he's tried so hard to forget. When he goes back to Oklahoma he finds his estranged bumpkin brother is in fact alive and well. But why the deceit?

His brother actually owes a drug lord (Richard Dreyfuss) $200,000 for hydroponics equipment. Using Bill as a decoy, his brother wants to square things with this drug dealer. The plan unravels. On top of that, Bill's dream-job is put in jeopardy. But thanks to some help from a catfish-wrangling poet, played by Keri Russell, Bill is able to find some hope. She teaches him that it is only when you lose control that answers have room to surface. That is, you better find happiness in this moment because you can't control what happens in the next.

Stars: 4/5

Splice

Just like the creature in this film which was 'spliced' together with a handful of animals, this film was spliced with unconventional sex, irrelevant sub-threads, and cheap CGI. I'm wondering how in the hell did they got the academy award winning Adrien Brody to sign on to the project? What happened to The Pianist?

The dialogue isn't so bad, but the story is like death row, you know whats coming at the end, but all you can do is sit and wait for it. It really seems like Vincenzo penned this one weekend back in college, set it in a drawer and dug it out only after the success of The Cube.  Practically the whole movie is build-up for a 10 minute action sequence that's predictable from the get-go.

The gist of it is, two scientists, who are also romantically involved, work in a lab genetically engineering new species. At home they discus having a baby. Back in the lab, their newest project, a human-animal hybrid, has defied expectations and grown into a mousy looking rodent-baby. Perfect! The couple takes it home. It grows at an accelerated rate, looking more and more human as it does. It goes through it's terrible two's, it's rebellious teen years, and finally reaches womanhood under the parental care of the two scientists who, oh by the way, raise it in a barn. If your mom ever accused you of being raised in a barn, you can point out that you haven't killed cats or seduced your father, because that's what this "rodent-baby girl" does.

Although making a happy life for her seemed possible at first, the couple eventually realizes she is dangerous, but being the loving foster parents they are, don't kill her. But that doesn't stop her from trying to kill them.

Stars: 2/5

The Cove

I was planning a trip to Japan for Christmas until I saw this documentary, whereupon I started considering other options. This movie makes the fishermen there seem more callous than robots working at a welfare counter. No matter how angry the rest of the world is, the Japanese will not budge when it comes to their fishing policy, which is basically, don't kill the big whales but kill the little ones (dolphins are whales).


You never know what's factual and what isn't in film making, primarily because you can edit anything for your own purpose. But what's portrayed in this documentary is a very deliquent Japanese fishing industry performing a dolphin holocaust in Taiji, and no matter how many countries condemn it, no matter how many babies are born deformed from mercury poisoning, no matter how loud the dolphins cry as they're harpooned, the fishermen keep on killing. Money is a seductive beast.

The fact is, the majority of the Japanese public is unaware of what is happening in Taiji. The ones who do know are 'just doing their jobs' or defending their culture. But make no mistake, this film pulls no punches. It shows the fishermen in action, ignorant and numb to blood. That was the point of the documentary: to shock; to detail the grit rather than exist as a bumper sticker on some tree-hugger's car. After all, dolphins are the second most intelligent beings on the planet; it's about time they receive some compassion. If annually 23,000 chimpanzees were rounded up and slaughtered, Mankind would be on it like Donkey Kong.

The Cove brews sympathy for the dolphins, and proves that just because they live in the ocean, doesn't mean they're simple fish. These mammals communicate with each other, they surf waves for fun, they blow bubble rings, they are self-aware.

That's not the only thing this documentary shows, it also follows Ric O'Barry as he attempts to save them. As a young man, Ric captured and trained the dolphins who played Flipper in the popular TV show of the same name. As a result of Flipper, theme parks sprang up, importing dolphins and training them to perform in front of people. Today, you'd be hard-pressed to find a middle-class American who hasn't seen a dolphin do a flip. Now that I know that these animals are being exploited, it's going to be hard for me to see a theme park in the same light again. They aren't innocent family attractions.

It may sound like this film would be preachy, but it's not. It's highly suspenseful and reminds me of Oceans 11, but real. It's amazing how far the activists go to document the atrocities in Taiji. I can only hope that this documentary was translated into Japanese so the people over there see it too.

5/5

Robin Hood (2010)

Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) is sick with a bow and clever like a fox, but he ain't got a mullet like Kevin Costner did in the 1991 version. Nonetheless, the film was made in 2010, therefore it follows 2010 culture: short hair, stubbly beards, formula plots, and raging violence, all championed by a protagonist who pretty much sweats invincibility. Originality is secondary in this one. There's a dandy king played by Oscar Isaac, (whom looks surprisingly similar to Adrian Grenier from Entourage), there's a scar-faced bad-guy who wears all black, a reserved but beautiful widow, and an overly masculine hero who never emotes.

Although this wasn't publicized, this film is actually a prequel to the other Robin Hood film. In this one, we get Robin's background story. He's on his way back to his homeland after having been an archer for 10 years in Richard the Lionheart's (Danny Huston) army. On his way he gets sidetracked and has to save the world.

If you liked Braveheart and Gladiator, you'll probably like this epic. Or hate it for copying. Also, It's about two and a half hours long so drink coffee beforehand. On the surface, director Ridley Scott checked all the boxes typically necessary to elicit a smash hit, even the end credits are eye-catching. But there were two essentials that were lacking: A clear story-line and a message that the audience could take away.

Stars: 3/5

Precious

This movie earned my respect for it's guts. It's about Precious (Gabourey Sidibe), that girl some of you might have known back in highschool: the obese one who sat in the back of your algebra class, off the grid, whom you never knew or cared to know, the girl who never talked or laughed, who just sat severed from the din of day-to-day life. It's about an introvert who's as inwardly interesting as outwardly opaque. As the saying goes: quiet rivers run deep. This film follows that girl home, shows you her fantasies, what she eats for breakfast.

It's fantastically absorbing. Everyone wants to be inspired. Everyone loves stories of the unfortunate overcoming the odds to find happiness. The odds stacked against Precious are so bad it seems like she's been totally forsaken by all decency in the world, as if she won the fuku lottery and is destined to live hell on earth. But she some how carries on. I have to ask myself, was the writer going for shock value or do people really live this way?

The cinematography is excellent and the acting is pretty good, too. Mo'Nique generously puts herself on display, with a genuine performance that breaks through to something beyond. It seems like she is actually channeling her own life experiences into this character. It's really impressive to watch.

Stars: 4/5

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Well there you have it, the Nightmare on Elm Street series has ran for so long it has finally lapped itself. This film is back to the original story line. Samuel Bayer and Michael Bay forwent a new plot in this rendition and instead focused on making Freddy scarier within the old plot, using special effects. He's not.

Since Wes Craven's original, made in 1984, there have been eight sequels (including this one). The heart-throbs have come and gone, from sweet Heather Langenkamp and greaser Johnny Depp to emo Kyle Gallner and artsy Rooney Mara. The special effects have steadily improved over the years, new production crew's brought on board, and new scare tactics utilized. But the one common denominator has always been Robert Englund playing Freddy Krueger. Finally the godfather of the Nightmare series has given his blessing, threw up two, and peaced out. Now we're running from Jackie Earle Haley (think Rorschach from The Watchmen). Same striped sweater, same corny one-liners, new face. I'll give it to him though, Haley's voice sounds awesome as Freddy in this movie.

As mentioned, the storyline is the same as the original, Freddy Krueger is exacting revenge on the children of the parents whom burned him alive. The one change: he's gone Peedo. Yes, Bay and Bayer went where Craven wouldn't. Freddy is a 'Fredofile'. It's up to them to stay alive before it's too late. Or at least until the next sequel.

Overall, it was a decent film. Gallner does a great job playing Quentin Smith and the acting in the beginning tried hard. I also appreciated that all my phobias were included--needles, nails on chalkboard, bloody quicksand--all genuine knee bouncing fears that complemented the lame "girl bent weird" and "face flash" camera tactics that are overused in modern horror films. It's cool but it's not going to change your life.

Stars: 3/5

Four Lions

You have got to admire the simplicity of this movie. While the goal for most films is to try and be as epic as possible, using expensive 35mm cameras and big-name actors, Four Lions sticks to the basics. It's a character-driven plot that kindles empathy towards it's main characters, who happen to be as stubborn as they are incompetent. The actors who play them are relative nobodies, but they're good, real good. In fact, they're so likable that it's impossible not to root for them, regardless of the fact that their whole goal in this film is to commit a devastating act of terrorism.

Yes, this laughingly controversial film tells the story of five English Muslims who bumble and argue their way through plotting a terrorist attack on London, tossing around such ideas as blowing up the internet, blowing up a mosque, or blowing up birds.

The great thing about this movie is that it's packed with jokes. When I think of a box office hit comedy like The Hangover, I think of long drawn out choreographed jokes. But Four Lions is rapid-fire back-and-forth like Fresh Prince playing Crossfire. But at no point does this movie laugh at itself. These guys mean business. They are serious Mujahideen soldiers who just happen to have a combined IQ of a walrus.

Who cares if there are some head-scratching moments in the plot. For example, Sofia (Preeya Kalidas) never once verbalizes an opinion towards her husband's (Riz Ahmed) fate. Sofia stays in the kitchen rolling dough and adding a pretty face to the male dominated cast, while her husband is in the living room planning ways to blow himself up. The fact that she's supportive of him when his comrades are aren't doesn't make any sense, but who cares, logic is for quantum physicians, not for these guys. Absolutely hilarious.

Stars: 5/5